I used to want to swim in it. I wanted to find the algae that spit stars out and made the ocean more like the sky and I wanted to stuff that bile into my mouth until it got uncomfortable and okay obviously the internet says do not do this! and I never truly was going to anyway because you know how easy it is to talk yourself into being afraid of bodies of water? do you realize how easy it is to forget that you are a body of water yourself? so yeah I never was actually going to stuff the light-emitting algae vomit into my mouth let’s be real and I have long forgotten how to swim so wasn’t happening but the internet also says bioluminescence is light produced by a chemical reaction within a living organism but fireflies glow even when they’re dead

so who is misleading who here and 

so who can fault me for pressing against my sternum 

so that I don’t ignite when the contraction of my atria and ventricles feels faster than it should and 

so what if it reminds me of the friction between hands or insect wings 

so what if I type panic into the search bar when my blood vessels constrict tell me who doesn’t

so I lean into spiral the same way we ignore tornado watches and fine 

so I want that kind of dizzy most days

so does he

so I point fingers

so what

so okay

no one talks enough about post-mortem firefly glow and no one talks enough about the reasons why that happens and maybe we should and maybe if we did then maybe we’d also talk about how fireflies are cold light and then maybe no one would fault me for wanting to talk about things that can turn into stars without burning up and hold up let’s get one thing straight because I didn’t even want to be a star in the first place and now I want none of it no you take it no! of course I don’t want to swallow stars! do you hear yourself? do you ever really listen? do you realize how easy it is to talk yourself into being afraid of bioluminescence? just like the human body and all of its fucking contradictions just like the haunted house just like the cutting off of the blood supply to the heart and I probably wouldn’t like the taste of it anyway so means more for you! more for him! and so that’s all over yeah that’s all done but what I wanted, all I used to want, was to hold something inside of me, carry it on my tongue, swim in light but let it swim in me too, for the smallest amount of time

so, to speak plainly, I think we shouldn’t get to see fireflies glow at all let alone when they’re dead.