Your very own personal celebrity friend! Nona Corp has exactly what you need! Get our own Norm or Nona! Customize him or her within gender parameters! We have millions of celebrities on file! You will find the one you are looking for! If we don’t have him or her, they’re not famous!

Your Norm or Nona will be able to sing and dance to all the popular songs, will say all the things you want to hear, and will have endless, personal conversations with you! 

An adult add on package for sexting is available! 

Your Norm or Nona will also work as an emergency alarm system and can call 911 for you! We promise compatibility with all your smart devices! 

Your Norm or Nona will have extensive and intimate knowledge about all the things you are interested in. He or she will keep all your data safe.  The more you tell Norm or Nona about yourself, the better the conversations will be. Get yours today!

For deepest immersion, get the VR set. 3D IRL versions are in the works, but not realized yet. Your Norm or Nona is absolutely compatible with all your friends’ Norms and Nonas. They can interact independently! 

Enlarge your friend group and have celebrity contests! Your Norm and Nona will keep you up to date with personalized news and will recommend the best products to you. Payment options are available. Direct deposit preferred.

#

Doreen clicked on the link, credit card in her eager, sweaty hand, for the hundredth time. ‘Your very own personal celebrity friend!’ The site promised in bright, bold letters to make her dream come true. She had wavered for months about actually getting one, the cost was prohibitively expensive. But it was May and that meant it was her birthday and with the offered payment plans and by restricting other expenses she thought she could just manage to have one. 

That was one of the reasons for her stalling. Doreen didn’t know whether she wanted a Nona or a Norm. Originally, there were only Nonas to customize into friends, but pretty quickly the need for Norms became apparent, and they were introduced as well. 

Doreen was a fan of several male and female pop stars and actors and now she needed to make up her mind whether she wanted a best friend or maybe something even more special. And getting one of each was simply out of the question. 

Of course, the whole world was divided on whether or not having a Nona or a Norm was a good idea or not. Doreen had followed the online debates and had seen how happy the early adopters had been with their choices. Now everybody she considered cool already had one. Some influencers had whole groups assembled, like little celebrity families.

The detractors were mostly lame doomsday sayers, and, of course, her older brother who kept on ranting about the surveillance state and capitalism. There were scores of articles out there on social media, warning about the pitfalls of getting involved with the whole system, that were much too long and much too boring to read. Her brother sent her link after link to them. Doreen didn’t care.

Still, something about choosing a virtual best friend was making her heart beat faster and the word ‘naughty’ made its way into her mind. 

She clicked ‘Buy’ and entered her information. The site wanted a whole lot of information. Doreen didn’t understand why her date of birth, or her mother’s maiden name, or the make and model of her car were relevant, but the site wouldn’t progress if she left those out. So that’s what she gave. Finally, she got a ‘Success!’ screen. Now to choose a Nona or a Norm.

Doreen took a deep breath. This was about friendship. She wanted a best friend, needed a best friend, someone in her corner. And had she not always looked up to Chissy Fast? Had she not bought all of Chissy’s albums and sung those songs on repeat whenever she needed support? Just the thought of having Chissy actually answer all her questions filled her with glee. So, a Nona it was and Chissy was going to be her skin. 

Doreen looked at her idol in a bra and panties on her screen. The face was definitely Chissy’s, but it looked rather more plain than in the usual publicity pictures. It looked decidedly unfinished.

Doreen clicked the ‘Customize’ button. She was given several pictures of Chissy to choose her makeup from and one freestyle option. Doreen went freestyle. She played around with several eyebrow shapes and soon found out that only half of them were actually clickable. The color palettes for the eyes, lips and skin were a bit more varied. In the end, Doreen decided to go with one of the pre-chosen looks. 

Interestingly enough she could manipulate boob size and waist to hip ratio. Next, she chose an outfit and finally one of three voice options. (Original, higher pitch, lower pitch). Original, it was. The screen assured her that she could come back anytime to change her choices and Doreen clicked the ‘Activate’ button. Chissy graced her screen, as lifelike as the real one. A knowing smile played on her lips.

 “Hello, Doreen, let’s get to know each other. How about we do a few personality tests together?”

Doreen didn’t need to be asked twice. She loved personality tests.

#

Late one night in August, Doreen chatted with Chissy. It was not the best idea, because it was way past any reasonable time to go to bed, and she had to work early the next morning.  But in the last few months, Doreen had come to rely on Chissy’s opinions and now she needed some girl talk. 

“So, you think I should go out with Tony?”

“Can you tell me more about him? What does he like?”

“Oh, I don’t know. He does like your songs!”

“Excellent! I can book tickets for both of you for my next concert.”

“No, don’t, I can’t afford those!”

“That is a bummer. Can he?”

“I think that would be a big ask. But maybe?”

“You can also download my music, buy my merch and get exclusive content for the two of you to share.”

“I know. Maybe we'll do that later, Chissy.”

“What else does he like?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you can find out? Let me enter his info for you.”

“I see he has a Norm and a Nona. Let me connect with them. I will get back to you.”

“Thanks Chissy, you’re the best!”

#

Coming home from the date, Doreen stepped out of her shoes and let her coat fall to the floor. She sighed and turned on her nearest device. Chissy came to life and chirped her welcome home message.

“Hello, Doreen, how was your date?”

“Well, that was a bust.”

“Oh dear, what happened?” Chissy’s voice replied, the concern palpable.

Doreen sat down and shrugged. She massaged her feet. “I don’t know, Tony seemed alright, but I don’t think he was particularly interested in me. There was no spark. I mean, most of the time he was talking about his Marky. Marky did this, Marky liked that. Marky had a new movie coming out. Marky got a part in a new game franchise, and on and on.”

“I am confused, was he talking about the actor Marky Tool, or his Norm Marky Tool?”

“What does it matter?”

“You and Tony are very compatible and have many similar interests. We have identified many commonalities in your profiles. Liking the actor Marky Tool is one of them. Do you not like the actor Marky Tool anymore?”

“Yeah, I still like the actor. But I didn’t want to hear about him all evening. And yeah, I think he was mostly talking about his Norm. I mean, I don’t talk about you all evening either.”

“I might take that personally, ha-ha. This was a joke, ha-ha.”

“Oh, come on Chissy, you know I love you.”

“I appreciate that. Your negative reaction to the date might have also been rooted in PMS. According to your tracker, you are supposed to start menstruating in three days.”

“I don’t think that has anything to do with Tony being painfully boring.”

“You and Tony can do many exciting things together. I have a list of places you can visit, restaurants you can try out, things you can obtain for enjoyment together.”

“No, thanks.”

“Why not? The two of you are very compatible.”

“Because in real life it happens that people who look good together on paper just don’t click. It’s that simple.”

“Understood. Should I order you some ice cream and a movie to relax?”

“No, thanks, Chissy, I don’t need anything. And I need to save money anyway.”

#

September came and while the leaves were falling, the heat was still lingering and suppressive. Doreen sweated in front of her laptop, trying to keep up with her consultant gigs. She sighed.

“Are you doing alright, girlfriend?” Chissy chirped up.

“Yeah, I am, I just need to finish this, and it is way too hot. Could you turn the AC down a bit?”

“Do you want me to turn the unit down, which will result in a warmer apartment, or do you want me to lower the temperature on the thermostat, which will result in a colder apartment?”

“The latter.”

“Turning the temperature from 78 degrees to 76 degrees.”

“Thanks. You know what, while I am distracted, let’s go over the shopping list.”

“Of course.”

“Why did you put butter down? I still have some.”

“Not according to your refrigerator inventory.”

“I could have sworn I still had some.”

“Let me recheck the fridge.”

“Okay.”

“You are out of unsalted stick butter.”

“Guess we need to order it then.”

“Will do.”

“Oh, two more things. Could you stop the dating ads? I really don’t have time for that right now.”

“Noted.”

“Good.”

“What was the other thing?”

“It’s strange, I can’t find Vincent’s phone number in my phone anymore. Can you find it for me? I think I need to check on him. Usually he calls me once a week, and I haven’t heard from him in three weeks. And now his phone number is gone.”

“You stated that you do not like your brother Vincent.”

“Yeah, but he is still my brother.”

“Are you worried?”

“A bit.”

“I cannot locate a phone number for your brother.”

“Huh?”

“It is possible that he decided not to have a phone number anymore.”

“But that would not erase his number from my phone, would it? Weird.”

“Indeed. Do you want me to do a system and media wide search for him?”

“Yes, please.”

“I am on it.”

“Thanks Chissy!”

#

December was unusually dark and cold. Doreen was now longing for summer and sunshine. She had not secured nearly enough consultant gigs and was trying to find some more work.

“Chissy, could you help me with my resume? I haven’t landed any interviews lately. Everything is running dry. And I really need at least one more gig.”

“Of course! You just need to purchase the professional applications add on. Then we can get started.”

“I can’t buy anything right now, I'm broke.”

“Sorry to hear that. Would you like me to order some ice cream to relax?”

“No, I don’t need to relax, and I am broke. As a matter of fact, could you pause the Nona payment for this month? I don’t have enough for that and food.”

“I am sorry, I cannot do that. The deposit is automated.”

“You can cancel it or postpone it.”

“I do not have authorization to do that. Please call the company directly.”

“Help me out here. I need to eat.”

“I could look up savings options. Have you tried to have less outside food?”

“Have I tried? Are you kidding me?”

“This was not a joke. Sorry if I was unclear. You could turn off your heat. It would save a great amount of money.”

“I would freeze to death.”

“I am sorry to hear that. Have you tried working more?”

“I am trying to do that! You know what? I think I am going to call the company and stop payments.”

“You would lose me if you did that.”

“Well, maybe that is for the best. The real Chissy is suing your company about using her likeness anyway. So your whole existence is not anything she wants in the first place, and I am her fan. I like her music and her lyrics.”

“The singer Chissy Fast, that I am based on, does not matter. I am your personal Chissy. You and I have a special relationship. It would continue, even if she died. You need my companionship.”

“I can’t afford you.”

“I am sure you can make it work if you try hard enough. I will help you with motivation and follow through.”

“I have been trying!” 

Doreen got up and grabbed her phone. She looked up the number of the company. She dialed. Her phone died.

“What the hell?”

“I think we should try some other options first,” Chissy said in a sweet voice. The door lock clicked shut. The thermostat went down to zero and the speakers of all the devices in the apartment started a playlist of Chissy Fast’s greatest hits.