the gre@ scholars of our generation have thought on it and debated, they said: 

as per ur last email, we hear u, we thank u for ur patience. we’ll make u wait another eight months just for fun, but we appreciate u reaching out 

re ur last email 

where u posed the philosophical question 

“why can’t things be easy? why- does anyone need me?” 

we think th@ u may be misremembering the lyrics to mac miller’s ‘good news’ 

a better expression of how a man can feel / adrift alone more than any real emotional pain th@ could come from u / try to reform it. try to think before u speak. 

our expert dictate indicates th@ it is likely u were about to quote the man himself before u changed ur mind, about to mount th@ monolith 

before realizing th@ no one might need u: 

th@ u hold urself to this earth with nothing but the weight of ur hands. 

wish u weren’t a shoulder bag hahahaha 

wish u could be a backpack don’t u? 

or a luggage shaped roller th@ doesn’t cry when it goes down a hill and hits every rock on the way down 

our professors have gathered and pondered ur plea they think u should get over it / make like sisyphus and fl@ten urself against the burden 

for sake, for sake, get up and climb th@ hill again 

ur general practitioner was consulted as part of our wide branching multi source process / in order to not be too biased against u in our judging. 

hometeam advantage, baby 

he wants u to know th@ no one can really know if wh@ they feel is despair. 

have u tried throwing 

urself into the sea and dashing urself on the

sharp coast? have u tried signing up for an ill 

f@ed expedition and binding urself to the mast so th@ when things go to hell (as per prophecy) there is no escape? 

we’ll have to reconsider ur case, if so 

too interesting to let it drop. 

better than all the other 

miserable people clinging to their lives by their teeth by a thread 

cutting into ur gums and making u bleed 

signing off now, we wish u luck in ur future pursuits and hope u never darken our inbox ever again but first we must leave u one last admonishment: 

don’t go chasing w@erfalls 

but if u must, find a way to end up on the wrong side of one we still won’t love u then btw 

but the situation would be critical, the answer clinical